Do Details Always Make Us Look Like We're Showing Off?

Imagine someone ask a simple question,

"Why didn't you join us earlier?

Now consider two possibilities replies, The first one goes into full detail

"Sorry, the client meeting dragged on for hours. The morning was already filled with back-to-back sessions with the officials and his staff to discuss the government's programs. By evening, traffic was unbearable. Once again, sorry, I couldn't make it."

The second is short and straightfoward:

"Sorry, I had a few things I coudn't leave. Hopefully, I can join next time."

Both responses are valid. Yet the effects are strikingly different. The long detailed can easily be perceived as showing off. In a relational context, people rarely seek a chronology. What truly people look for is emotional resonance, to feel acknowledged, valued, and included.

In professional and academic environments, detail is often essential. It is how competence is demonstrated and credibility is established. Technical terms, elaborate explanations, and long chains of reasoning are the norm.

But when this culture of details spills over into everday social interaction, the result can feel alienating. instead of fostering closeness, the conversation risks creating distance. It becomes lopsided: one person explains at length, while the other becomes passive. A chat turns into a lecture. And when details include references to positions, access, or status, the imbalance becomes event more apparent.

So, are details inherently negative? Not at all. The real challenge is knowing when and to whom details matter. Details are crucial in certain contexts, such as: providing instructions or standard operating procedures, delivering progress report, teaching or scientific discussions, or any situations where misinterpretation may lead to serious consequences.

In these cases, detail prevents speculation. It safeguards accuracy and shared understanding. But in casual relationship, the weight of detail is often misplaced. What matters most is not the quantity of information, but its relevance to the emotional and social context.

Sperber and Wilson (1986) remind us that the essence of communication lies in relevance: selecting information that matters most to the context, rather than overwhelming others with unnecessary detail. Thus, effective communication is not about how much is said, but how meaningfully it connects. Details, then, are neither inherently good or bad. They can serve proof, or they can build walls, What makes the difference is context. In communication, what lingers is not the volume of words shared, but the sense of connection created.

References:

• Sperber, D., & Wilson, D. (1986). Relevance: Communication and Coginition. Harvard University Press.